So, life these days…
Life is good. Uneventful, in some ways, but also eventful in more intangible ways. Let’s start with the more visible uneventful and eventful, shall we?
Eventful thing #1: Matt and I were able to have a brief, one night respite from being parents and enjoy a whirlwind trip to Cleveland to see Jim Gaffigan. I (along with my parents and sister) bought VIP tickets for Matt as a Christmas/birthday gift and it was an amazing time. As part of the VIP package, we had awesome seats and received DVDs and posters as well as the opportunity to meet him after the show. The only bummer about the show were the two couples behind us. The guys were loud talkers who totally were dressed as if they came out of GQ and talked in “bro code” I haven’t heard since college. But once the show started, we didn’t hear anything from them. Until the show ended, I wasn’t terribly nervous about meeting him, but then the nerves kicked in as I realized I was thisclose to meeting the biggest celebrity I have ever encountered. You know how you hear about how sometimes celebrities are jerks when you meet them? Well, he was anything but. I realize that this was a scheduled “meet and greet”, so it was in his best interest to be nice, but I really believe he was authentic and sincere. All nervousness faded as he greeted us with a “I have a shirt just like that” directed at me and asked us how we were. We talked a bit about children and got our picture taken with him and it was definitely the highlight of our time away. He is a funny, funny man, and warm and engaging in person. If you ever have a chance to see a show of his, do it! You won’t be disappointed.
Eventful thing #2: My BIL is coming out this weekend to help Matt frame out our attic to be finished. This may not seem like an eventful item, but it is. We have been attempting to finish the attic since I was pregnant with Seth. And he’s 3 1/2. Yup.
Eventful thing #3: Clara needs to have physical therapy. This makes me feel twinges of momma guilt, but I realize that ultimately, it’s not my fault. Basically, she hates being on her tummy and refuses to use her arms to push herself up or over onto her back. She can flip herself from her back to her tummy, but since she doesn’t have any arm strength, she gets stuck. And angry. Now I get to figure out coordinating physical therapy for her AND managing the other three while she gets it.
Now for the more intangible things…
I am feeling increasingly unsettled in my spirit about a number of issues and things. I guess the biggest thing though, is the nudge I am feeling from the Lord to pull back on my busy-ness (although, comparatively speaking, I am not all that busy) so that I can live more intentionally and purposefully. I find I am still processing the IF:Gathering from February and what my calling exactly is, and I believe that this pulling back is tied to realizing my purpose. Part of that is rediscovering passions and dreams that have faded or been pushed out of mind. When I was small, I wanted to be exactly things: #1. A rock star. #2. A wife. #3. A mom. Having achieved 2 out of 3 dreams, I now find myself at a place where I’ve forgotten or buried what other dreams I once had before I became those things. Not that if my purpose is in solely being a wife and momma, but I believe that if that is my sole focus, I am not living out the potential with the gifts God has given me. Definitely there are seasons of life where there will be a primary focus, and I’m in one of those now having 4 kids under 4, but if I’m not seeking out what else God may have for me, I think there’s something wrong. And in pulling back on my commitments and activities will allow me to not only spend more time discerning and reigniting those gifts and passions, but it will allow me more time to be more relational and purposeful in investing in the relationships that are life-giving. I want to be able to say to anyone who might need it, “Yes, please do drop in unannounced.” Or, “Absolutely, you can come over,” regardless of how my house looks or my to-do list. I want to be able to spend time with friends and new people and slow the pace of my life down. Not just for me and others, but for my family. To breathe a little deeper and snuggle longer and read more books and laugh louder and linger over dinner and spend more evenings on the couch with a cup of coffee and my husband. To live as I believe life was meant to be lived. Without so many things crowding the calendar that I forget what day it is and who needs to be where and what we’ve committed to do.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about different hot button issues I’ve seen a lot of people weighing in on via Facebook, Twitter, blogs and other media. I don’t think I’m quite ready to write about them yet, but I keep coming back to love. Specifically, that Jesus was love and showed love above all else. As Christine Caine said at the IF:Gathering, “Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but you’re not always entitled to share it.” So I might not share, but I probably will. After all, not that many people read this blog and it is mine, right?
In other things, Levi is turning 5 exactly one month from today. I am in denial. Five seems so big to me, and yet, I know there are bigger milestones to come, but he is my first baby, my first son, and the child I first held in my arms and knew as soon as my eyes met his that I would love forever and without condition. I don’t know exactly how we will celebrate his big day, but it will involve a Batman cake, because that is what the boy requested. And what the birthday boy wants, he will get.