And so, Goodnight….

My sweetest, darling baby girl….

As your daddy is teaching his final piano lesson of the evening, it’s just you and me in the most precious minutes of my day. Your older siblings have all been kissed, tucked, brows smoothed and soft cheeks brushed goodnight. Now, in the warm yellow glow of my bedside lamp, I hold you up close so I can feel your peach cheeks next to mine and I inhale your lavender lotion, skin freshly washed and deliciously unique smell, then whisper feather quietly in your perfect little ear with the little knob on it, “I love you.” And again, “I love you.” Until you pull your head back at me and gaze at me, watching, waiting for your bedtime snack.

I cuddle you in the crook of my arm, and note how long you are getting…you are quickly leaving your infancy behind and a part my heart breaks to think of it. As you drink your bottle, your eyes start to close ever so slowly and your breathing becomes deeper, more relaxed and I can see you drifting towards twilight-land.

These are the moments I want to hold onto forever. The thrill of your little hand clutching at my shirt, reaching for my fingers, the curve of a profile not yet blossomed into maturity, the way your lips tilt up into the most brilliant of smiles, how your head feels in my hand when I hold you and how that head feels drooped, trusting and secure on my chest as you sleep.

I know you won’t remember my murmurings of love and pride into your ear, but I do it because I want you to feel it in the very marrow of your bones that I love you without condition, without expectation and with every single part of me there is to give. That I love you for who you are, just as I love your brothers and sister.

You are a treasure, my Clara-bird, and I love you. I love you. I love you.

And so, goodnight.

All my love, always,

Momma

 

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