How Did I Get Here?

When did time start moving so quickly? I remember being young and feeling like certain times of year couldn’t get here fast enough, and now I’m sitting on my couch wondering when time started flying by and how I got here.

Husband. New home and life in Rochester. A house; a real one. A 3 1/2 year old baby boy, no longer a baby. Another baby boy, who at 2 just had his first tooth pulled, causing me major momma guilt. And a delightful baby girl 10 months old who is cruising around furniture.

I wonder how I got to this place of dust on my furniture, kid goo and who knows what else on my windows, crumbs perpetually on the floors and counters, laundry that seems to multiply every time I venture to the basement, and on and on it goes.

Don’t misunderstand; I love my family and I love what I do. Truly. It’s just there are days when I find myself feeling like I’m moving through the hours in a haze of “How on earth did I get here?” That I’m not really living up to my potential, so to speak. I think that if a lot of us were really honest with ourselves, we would admit that we look to what we do for validation for what we are. I am a wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc. And yes, there are things “required” of each of those roles (while Matt does do kitchen duty, if I don’t make dinner, we’re not eating, right?), but none of those things identify me, no matter how much it feels like they do. (“Hello, my name is Erin, chief dinner maker.”)

And there lies the rub for me. I continually forget that I what I do isn’t who I am.

Rinse, lather, repeat. But it is encouraging to remember that I have a Father who wants to remind me exactly who I am to Him. Daughter. Beloved. Friend. Holy. Righteous.

I’m learning to let these truths penetrate deep into the core of who I am and I pray that they go so deep down that the untruths I’ve believed no longer have any roots.
“But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” ~Psalm 1:1-2