Fall is here. I am breathing a sigh of contentedness in the changing leaves, the crisper air, pumpkin patches and cozy sweaters.
I have returned to youth group as a mentor for six amazing young girls. I feel in the marrow of my bones that God wants to do something in all of us this year. I pray that He will use my inadequate words to change and awe.
I am struggling in that I feel I’m in a season of not knowing where I fit. Where I belong. It’s funny, I’ve been here seven and a half years and there are many days it doesn’t feel like home. And I don’t know where on this earth home is. I have learned things about myself that I am still processing. One of them being that I need to be needed. If I don’t feel needed (primarily in friendships), I am at a loss and feel adrift in a current of doubt and loneliness. It’s ugly, but there it is.
Matt and I recently shared with each other similar feelings of being unappreciated, unnoticed and unloved. It never ceases to amaze me that satan will attack us both in the same way with the same feelings and it is expressed so differently.
The Andrew Peterson radio station on Pandora has been like a balm to my spirit for the last several weeks. It never fails to help quiet whatever storm is bubbling to the surface and bring me into the presence of God regardless of what I’m doing at the time.
My sister has been on my heart for many reasons and I don’t know how this latest struggle will manifest in the long term. I am praying for a complete revival of love for God in her heart.
This verse seems to be a running theme lately: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13) Just reading it fills me up with a lightness.
And in the end, it is all for His glory.